I first met him in grade school; Brian always talked about being married and having two children. Throughout the years it was what he most talked about; how happy he was going to be. When he finished school, got a job, married someone he loved and had children; he would be the happiest person in the world.
School was not easy for Brian, he was small in stature and the bullies loved to pick on him. The more difficult school became for him, the more he would drift into his imagination and envision his new life after graduation. If it was going to happen it would have to be later as he was just not popular with the girls in school or anyone else. Withdrawn and unnoticed he struggled through 12 years of hell, just surviving, and except for me; friendless.
As his friend I wanted him to be happy and I also looked to his new found happiness when he finished school. What a wonderful life he was going to have with his family and friends. We talked about how his wife would look and how she would love him and take care of him.
His children filled with love for Dad would be totally devoted to him and they would follow him around like puppies. Brian had big dreams and absolute faith that life would be easier and filled with happiness once he had what he wanted. Twelve years of struggle finally ended on his graduation. He refused to attend the ceremonies and gave the thumb up gesture to the whole idea.
Brian quickly found a job and made a down payment on his first car. This was a symbol for him as the very first step in finding his long overdue happiness. Just over three weeks into his job, he met a girl and started dating, and six weeks later he was married. Ten months later Brian proudly introduced his son to the world and 18 months later a daughter.
Brian’s whirlwind tour had netted him everything that he wanted except for one thing. A few years into his marriage Brian was not happy, in fact he was never so miserable in his life. Nothing he did or had brought him the happiness he so desperately wanted. His relationships with his wife, children and even his car were not happy ones.
Psychologists would look back to his childhood and suggest many things contributed to his present situation. On the surface I would agree with them. However, I look to the root causes and break things down to their simplest denominator.
On the surface his family relations may not have been very positive. His relationships with his siblings could have contributed to his negative attitude. His small frame and frail appearance may have disempowered him. But these are all physical attributes of a life he manifested that was not filled with happiness. From the beginning the reality of all these things was that he did not choose happiness first.
Brian disempowered himself to be happy by attaching happiness to things and events that were going to happen in the future. Brian had become quite comfortable with not being happy. So in every moment of his young life he decided he would be happy later. Happiness for him was outside of himself; it was something that would come as a package later.
The truth is we are not victims of circumstances; we create them. It is not correct to judge Brian’s life as being wasted. In fact his life was lived exactly the way he chose. At some level of consciousness he chose not to be happy now, but to set a goal to be happy in the future. Judgment ignores the destiny of the spirit; what the spirit has chosen to experience; what we observe of one’s life is always appropriate in the moment. Brian’s struggle in the beginning could well lead him to total bliss in the future or not. I don’t know what it is that Brian wanted to experience in the physical life, and apparently he didn’t know either. Every step we make leads to another, sometimes the step seems to lead away from our destiny, but this is not possible. All steps lead to a final destination.
Happiness doesn’t come to us; we are happy by nature. In the reverse order we think of happiness first then seek to express or demonstrate it physically; this is not the way Brian chose. It still does not mean that what he chose would not bring him happiness if we are to look at the greater picture. It may well mean a side step to happiness that will have greater meaning and expression.
The reason Brian didn’t experience his happiness in his choices was because he had no power to make it happen. He gave away his power to people and events and it was not delivered. There are no things, events or people in the world who can “make” us happy. Our emotions are triggered by our perspective; how we see ourselves in relationship to others and our environment. A happy event for one can be just the opposite for another. When we leave our emotions to the whims of others we will always be disappointed.
Brian could have been happy at any point in his life if he had chosen to be. With the thought of happiness as his current desire, he would have drawn people, places and things to him that would reflect his happiness. What he chose was a different way to demonstrate his journey to the awareness of happiness and his own power to manifest it.
All of us have heard someone say “If only I had this or that” I would be happy. Think back a bit; were they happy and if so, for how long? After the initial happiness, did they go into depression, disappointment, anger or some other emotion; most likely. Somewhere along the way after the event, they chose to feel some other way. Happiness attached to a thing or event does not last if it was not preceded by the will to be happy. If the awareness of happy is attached to an object or event, then once you have it you have reached the end of your journey. Even if the happiness remains for some time, when the object or event is removed the attached happiness will disappear as well. The awareness may remain in memory for a period until it is forgotten. To last, the awareness of happy would have to precede the event and the physical manifestation would be the symbol of that happiness.
Can Brian ever be happy; of course, it’s simply about choice? Can he be happy with his present circumstances; of course? He can change his thoughts about what he has or is experiencing and turn his life around. He can also leave behind what he already has, if it does not reflect his true feelings. It certainly may not be easy, or maybe it would be if he chose happy first, and then decided to act on it. It may very well come easy for him to start a new life that reflects his current feelings of happiness.
Happiness, sounds, looks, feels, smells, and tastes different to everyone. No two people identify with it the same way. The real truth is that happiness is expressed through these senses differently not the other way around. The senses react to the desire to be happy.
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